It’s Men’s Mental Health Week (June 6-13). We men need to take care of our mental health, and that starts with talking about it. Today I’d like to talk about anxiety.
I guess I’ve always been anxious, to some extent. I’d always say, “I’m a worrier.” I’d fret about everything – each social interaction, upcoming social interactions, things that could possibly happen, no matter how far-fetched. It’s exhausting.
Many years ago, my wife-to-be told me a story. One of her friends had a dream that started innocuously enough, but things spiraled out of control and in her dream she contracted the Ebola virus. It was shared as an example of a ridiculous dream, as they often are. We sometimes refer to that story when talking about how bad a situation can get – “Ebola virusing”.
Things really came to a head for me during the COVID outbreak. Everyone was anxious then, for good reason, and that additional amount of anxiety layered onto my “normal” level became too much.
I became paranoid about really dumb things. Here’s one of them.
We had the roof on our house replaced in mid 2021. After the replacement, I became convinced that the roof was going to leak, and/or our house had become structurally compromised. I obsessively checked for signs of leakage at the corners of ceilings, I stuck my head in the attic several times, and most of all I listened to every little creak and groan of the house.
I’d lay awake at night, trying to go to sleep, and then I’d hear something that sounded like dripping water, and that would ruin it for me. I’d have to turn the lights on and start checking, listening, looking.
Naturally, there was nothing wrong with the roof, and so far the house is fine. It’s more than 15 years old, so it makes some noises as it thermally expands and contracts, when the wind blows, and so forth. Still, I was convinced that something disastrous COULD go wrong. Ebola virusing.
The anxiety won. I’d lie awake, in a panic state, crying because I was convinced disaster was around the corner. I knew at one level that it was silly, but I couldn’t help it.
I ended up going to a therapist, and we tried a few things, and I think what helped me the most was EMDR therapy. I’ll write about that sometime and how it worked for me. Everyone is different and I’m a computer expert, not a mental health expert, so please seek professional help.
I’m still anxious… but at a lower level. As long as things are going OK in my life, the anxiety level stays below crisis level and I can cope.
I had a near-panic attack a couple of weeks ago. It only lasted a couple of minutes, but it was scary. Fortunately these are rare.
I still worry about the house.
I still worry about social interactions, past and future.
But it’s better, because I sought help.
If you are suffering, seek help. You deserve good health, mental and physical.
I, too, am a worrier, Steve. Usually, I call it planning, and that gives me calming peace.
Too much multitasking and too many items on the to-do list accelerate my concerns, so I’m trying not to say yes too, too often to others’ expectations of me. At times, it is tough to be one of the 20 percent who do eighty percent of the work. I often wonder if I could move over and become one of the eighty percent. I’ve accumulated decades of inaction in that move, so this must be normal for me.
We should continue, but let’s try to take care of ourselves first. Bill
Hi Bill, I call my worrying “contingency planning”. I’m not sure it gives me peace but it gives it a little purpose.
I see the work you’re doing at the museum! I’m sure everyone appreciates your energy and commitment, but as you say, take care of oneself first.
Excellent post. Thanks for sharing it.
Thanks for reading, Glenn!
Steve — I’ve mentioned it before but I will again. I suffer from depression, and anxiety mostly. I had a terrible January and February. I got myself into a rut and I was convinced that I would feel like this until the day I died. There would be no end and no relief until I died. Every moment of the rest of my life would be awful. Of course, the feelings eased and the anxiety passed, but in the moment, I felt that there would be no help for me. Thankfully, my therapy (cognitive behavioral therapy) helped me understand that my brain was, for lack of a better term glitching. It was stuck on a negative thought and I had to use my training to get the record to stop skipping. But not everyone is able to realize it in the moment that it’s not them, it’s the sickness talking. If you had a sore back, you might take a painkiller. If you were worried about an infection disease, you might go for a booster shot. So why not treat your mental illness the same way? It’s a physical thing you can feel, so don’t treat it like it’s something to hide.
Hi Michael, that must have been awful to feel that way. I’m fortunate that I recognize that my sadness or anxiety is temporary and it will pass. The hopelessness would be hard to get past.
You hit the nail on the head, mental illness is a sickness that should be treated like any physical ailment. It’s not something to be ashamed of; it’s an affliction that can be treated.